a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Went to the doctors the other day and he told me i had chlamidya, gonnhorhea and onomatopoeia. I asked him "What the hell is onomatopoeia?" He said "Its exactly what it sounds like"

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Went to a fancy dress party at the weekend dressed as a loaf of bread...........The birds were all over me!

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Ar lass has been missing a week now. The Police have told me to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My racing snail wasn't winning races anymore so i took his shell off thinking it would reduce weight and make him more aerodynamic............. hasn't worked though, if anything it's made him more sluggish

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I hate double standards. Like if a girl goes out and sleeps with loads of guys she's considered a "****".
Yet if a guy does it...he's considered a "homosexual".

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

The kids have been going on and on at me for ages about going to Alton Towers, so I thought today was as good a day as any..... They were gutted when I got home!

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach, a human hair can hold 3kg, the length of a ***** is three times the length of the thumb, the femur is as hard as concrete, a woman's heart beats faster then a man's, women blink twice as much as men, we use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire sentence..... the mans still lookin at his thumb.

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My missus being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on her forehead!

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak.

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I see the price of Oxo cubes and Bovril has shot up again.
The stock market's gone crazy!