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Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at PlumbersForums.net
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re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I took my ex wife bungee jumping at the weekend. She jumped first. As her neck snapped and her skull split open spraying blood all over the rocks below, My first thought was, "That'll teach you to lie about your weight"
I took my ex wife bungee jumping at the weekend. She jumped first. As her neck snapped and her skull split open spraying blood all over the rocks below, My first thought was, "That'll teach you to lie about your weight"
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- 5,076
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.
Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
10 facts about you
1. You're reading my comment
2. You're realizing that's a stupid fact
4. You didn't notice i skipped three
5. You're checking now
6. You're smiling
7. You're still reading my comment
9. You didn't realize I skipped eight
10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again.
11. You are enjoying this
12. You didn't realize there's only suppossed to be ten facts!
10 facts about you
1. You're reading my comment
2. You're realizing that's a stupid fact
4. You didn't notice i skipped three
5. You're checking now
6. You're smiling
7. You're still reading my comment
9. You didn't realize I skipped eight
10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again.
11. You are enjoying this
12. You didn't realize there's only suppossed to be ten facts!
P
PlumbBobBob
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
there are ten you skipped three and eight lol
there are ten you skipped three and eight lol
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
my mrs asked me to go to the doctors and get something to help with my erections , she didnt seem too happy when i came back with some diet pills for her
my mrs asked me to go to the doctors and get something to help with my erections , she didnt seem too happy when i came back with some diet pills for her
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
nicked from the sparks section
nicked from the sparks section
This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there
Must be "deadly" at Scrabble. Or maybe
has too much time on his hands.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS :
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS ! NO MORE
Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT :
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there
Must be "deadly" at Scrabble. Or maybe
has too much time on his hands.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS :
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS ! NO MORE
Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT :
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Little Barry came into the kitchen where his mother was cooking dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted: 'Mum, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Little Barry was a bit of a troublemaker. He had got into trouble at school and at home. Barry's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Barry, of course, thought he did.
Barry's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Barry stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Barry.
Barry knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Barry. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Barry.
Barry knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Your friend,
Barry.
Barry knew he could not send this letter to God either. Barry was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.
Barry's mother thought her plan had worked because Barry looked very sad. 'Just be home in time for dinner,' his mother said. Barry walked down the street to the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Barry began to write his letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I'VE GOT YOUR MUM.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!
Little Barry came into the kitchen where his mother was cooking dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted: 'Mum, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Little Barry was a bit of a troublemaker. He had got into trouble at school and at home. Barry's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Barry, of course, thought he did.
Barry's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Barry stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Barry.
Barry knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Barry. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Barry.
Barry knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Your friend,
Barry.
Barry knew he could not send this letter to God either. Barry was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.
Barry's mother thought her plan had worked because Barry looked very sad. 'Just be home in time for dinner,' his mother said. Barry walked down the street to the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Barry began to write his letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I'VE GOT YOUR MUM.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!
- Messages
- 5,076
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Did ye hear the guy that invented to hokie cokey just died ? They had trouble putting him in his coffin, every time they put his left leg in he put his right leg out
Did ye hear the guy that invented to hokie cokey just died ? They had trouble putting him in his coffin, every time they put his left leg in he put his right leg out
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Not a Monday pick me up but a fairly unknown fact about hokie cokey.
Did you know it is derived from the catholic church? It was a micky take of trying to guess when you (as a member of the congregation) had to stand up, sit down, kneel, genuflect, make the sign of the cross or whatever. It didn't mean copying the priest every time (the priest for example makes more signs of the cross during mass than the congregation) but this is where the expression was born.
Still awake at the back?
Not a Monday pick me up but a fairly unknown fact about hokie cokey.
Did you know it is derived from the catholic church? It was a micky take of trying to guess when you (as a member of the congregation) had to stand up, sit down, kneel, genuflect, make the sign of the cross or whatever. It didn't mean copying the priest every time (the priest for example makes more signs of the cross during mass than the congregation) but this is where the expression was born.
Still awake at the back?
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor.
He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol.
All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting.
As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position.
The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well.
When I fired the pistol,
my wife **** on my face,
bit 3 inches off my dick, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor.
He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol.
All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting.
As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position.
The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well.
When I fired the pistol,
my wife **** on my face,
bit 3 inches off my dick, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
[h=2]3 Daughters[/h]
[h=2]3 Daughters[/h]
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents.
So the parents said
"We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said
"I want a honeymoon but we can’t afford it".
The parents couldn't afford it either so they decided they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and decided to go downstairs and get a drink.
On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it.
When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it.
When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter
"Why were you screaming?”
And the daughter replied
"Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter
"Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied
"Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter
"Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied
"Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
So the parents said
"We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said
"I want a honeymoon but we can’t afford it".
The parents couldn't afford it either so they decided they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and decided to go downstairs and get a drink.
On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it.
When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it.
When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter
"Why were you screaming?”
And the daughter replied
"Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter
"Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied
"Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter
"Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied
"Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I spent £50 on ebay this week for a ***** enlarger.When I opened it the git had sent me a magnifying
glass!
I spent £50 on ebay this week for a ***** enlarger.When I opened it the git had sent me a magnifying
glass!
- Messages
- 967
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Michael Jackson Trial latest: Dr. Conrad Murray has told the court about Jacksons dramatic weight loss; "Michael had got so thin, that although his pyjama tops were still adult size, he could still squeeze himself into childrens bottoms"
Michael Jackson Trial latest: Dr. Conrad Murray has told the court about Jacksons dramatic weight loss; "Michael had got so thin, that although his pyjama tops were still adult size, he could still squeeze himself into childrens bottoms"
- Messages
- 5,076
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
"One man's rubbish is another man's treasure" is an awesome phrase.
But it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.
"One man's rubbish is another man's treasure" is an awesome phrase.
But it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
2.8m views - about 667,000 10 days ago ...
[video=youtube;3VLcLH97eRw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VLcLH97eRw[/video]
2.8m views - about 667,000 10 days ago ...
[video=youtube;3VLcLH97eRw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VLcLH97eRw[/video]
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I walked into a bedroom and caught my nan sucking grandad's cock, I said "Nan that's disgusting"
She said "it's perfectly normal"
I said "No it's wrong you should have buried it with the rest of him"
I walked into a bedroom and caught my nan sucking grandad's cock, I said "Nan that's disgusting"
She said "it's perfectly normal"
I said "No it's wrong you should have buried it with the rest of him"
G
Guest123
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
You guys are wasted doing plumbing, should be on Comedy Central! LOL
You guys are wasted doing plumbing, should be on Comedy Central! LOL
B
Barry98
- Messages
- 5,076
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Some local thugs wrote 'mong' all over my window last night !! it's going to take me ages to lick it off now....
Some local thugs wrote 'mong' all over my window last night !! it's going to take me ages to lick it off now....
- Messages
- 3,260
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
When the Mrs left I was sad, upset & lonely..!!!
Since then, I've got a maid,
bought a new bike, screwed 2 prostitutes & blown a grand on hard drink & cocaine...
She'll go nuts when she gets home from work.
When the Mrs left I was sad, upset & lonely..!!!
Since then, I've got a maid,
bought a new bike, screwed 2 prostitutes & blown a grand on hard drink & cocaine...
She'll go nuts when she gets home from work.
- Messages
- 5,076
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
My girlfriend texted me the other day asking where I was.
I replied-" you know that jewellery shop that had that nice necklace you wanted?"
"I remember ♥"
"I'm in the pub next door"
My girlfriend texted me the other day asking where I was.
I replied-" you know that jewellery shop that had that nice necklace you wanted?"
"I remember ♥"
"I'm in the pub next door"
R
Resolute
A nagging wife is like a dripping tap... Until the plumber comes round and fixes it.
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Injury and Accident insurance claim adverts are a load of crap.
When next doors daughter cut herself on our fence they told me to take some pictures of her gash, now i'm the one who ends up in court!
Injury and Accident insurance claim adverts are a load of crap.
When next doors daughter cut herself on our fence they told me to take some pictures of her gash, now i'm the one who ends up in court!
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY ON XMAS DAY !! AND GET AWAY WITH
01. Talk about a huge breast!
02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. ...
03. It's Cool Whip time!
04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
05. That's one terrific spread!
06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
07. Are you ready for seconds yet?
08. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
01. Talk about a huge breast!
02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. ...
03. It's Cool Whip time!
04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
05. That's one terrific spread!
06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
07. Are you ready for seconds yet?
08. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
18. Do you want to pull my cracker?
18. Do you want to pull my cracker?
K
kay-jay
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
anybody hungry?
anybody hungry?
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Reply to a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at PlumbersForums.net
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