a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Plumbstar Tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

When the Mrs left I was sad, upset & lonely..!!!

Since then, I've got a maid,
bought a new bike, screwed 2 prostitutes & blown a grand on hard drink & cocaine...

She'll go nuts when she gets home from work.

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My girlfriend texted me the other day asking where I was.

I replied-" you know that jewellery shop that had that nice necklace you wanted?"

"I remember ♥"

"I'm in the pub next door"

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

'One mans rubbish is another mans treasure'

Not a good way to tell somebody that they're adopted!

 

[Resolute]

A nagging wife is like a dripping tap... Until the plumber comes round and fixes it.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

They've set a very tough Bushtucker trial tonight on "I'm a Celebraty get me Out of Here" A Kangeroo has to eat one of Fatima Whitbreads ********.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

bullocks...

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Injury and Accident insurance claim adverts are a load of crap.
When next doors daughter cut herself on our fence they told me to take some pictures of her gash, now i'm the one who ends up in court!

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY ON XMAS DAY !! AND GET AWAY WITH

01. Talk about a huge breast!
02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. ...
03. It's Cool Whip time!
04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
05. That's one terrific spread!
06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
07. Are you ready for seconds yet?
08. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!​

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

18. Do you want to pull my cracker?

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

anybody hungry?