a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A burger bum? Bit different than a burger bun. Mind you, we are what you eat.

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A burger bum? Bit different than a burger bun. Mind you, we are what you eat.

id starve rather then eat that

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

i like the way they smeared grease on her bum to stick some sesame seeds on lol.

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

i like the way they smeared grease on her bum to stick some sesame seeds on lol.

you like ? you like ? so thats what you lot over the otherside of the hill like isit.

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

have you seen the homer simspon oone ??? dont think i'd be allowed to post a pic up but here is a link

Naked Body That Looks Like Homer Simpson | Happy Place

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

you like ? you like ? so thats what you lot over the otherside of the hill like isit.

yes we just love watching yorkshire lasses with burgers hanging out their asses.

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

yes we just love watching yorkshire lasses with burgers hanging out their asses.

oooo its getting rather personal today int it lol

 

[Resolute]

Brings a new meaning to "show us ya kebab meat"!

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Thank gawd it's not flame grilled. She might have exploded if she had farted.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[h=6]Three Parrots for sale, £100, £200 & £15. A woman asks "why is that parrot so cheap?" the shopkeeper replies "because it used to live in a brothel".
The woman thinks its funny & buys the parrot. When she gets home the parrot says "feck me a new brothel" the woman laughs.
Her two daughters come home and parrot says "feck me new prostitutes" the girls laugh.
The husband comes home & the parrot says "feck me Keith, I havent seen you for weeks !!![/h]

 

[Resolute]

My girlfriends vagina smells of roses, but Rose's is tighter!

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My wife and I went to bed early last night for a little... You know!

Anyway, she started to rub a lollipop on her ***** and slowly started inserting it. She got faster and faster till her hand was a blur..
Be careful I said, you got to use that to help the kids across the road in the morning!

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I just phoned the police, "What your emergency?" they asked.
I said, "Two girls are fighting over me."
"So what's the problem?"
I said "The fat one's winning."

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Grab your taco, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican.

 

[Resolute]

Ive just had an M&S ****..... This is not just a ****, this is a five-day matured, chicken vindaloo with garlic naan and eight bottles of Cobra ****

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

an old one but all thesame

you gits IM GONNA FIND YOU!!!!! I can't believe this has happened to me right on top of Christmas! I just got home to find all the windows wide open!! They've taken everything. Its all gone! The dirty rotten thieving sods. What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? You are not human. You are low life scum!!!!!..............












That was my advent calendar and you had no right to open it and eat all my chocolates!!.​

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

The Jeremy Kyle 12 days of Xmas
12 cans of carling
11 DNA tests
10 dads to choose from
9 teeth between the
8 squeezed in tracksuits
7 stinking smackrats
6 dunlop trainers
5 stolen rings
4 fat slags
3 ugly tvvats
2 timing cants and a VVanker who parades them on tv

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.

"I'd rather spend my money on a cow," said the farmer.

"Ah," replied the salesman, "But think how stupid you'd look riding a cow."

"Maybe," replied the farmer, "But not as stupid as I'd look trying to milk a bicycle."

 

[Hybrid]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I pulled a girl with a plasticine fanny on the weekend. Haven't shagged her yet but I think i've made an impression.

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are ****ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the pig in the kitchen."​

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree." "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree." And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it?"
"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree.

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees a ham bush....."

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

The lead actor in the local Pantomime production of Aladdin was raped, by the gay genie on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

.....

 

[kay-jay]

View attachment 4591.....

God knows what you where searching for on the internet when you discovered that pic ces

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[kay-jay]

Bet that's put you right off the idea of a Thai bride

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

always reminds me of the story i heard of someone getting taken to amsterdam for their 16th, someone paid a hooker to give him a blowjob and turned out to be a guy, happy 16th lol now your scarred for life


true story supposidly

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

always reminds me of the story i heard of someone getting taken to amsterdam for their 16th, someone paid a hooker to give him a blowjob and turned out to be a guy, happy 16th lol now your scarred for life


true story supposidly

You want to get something off your chest Gerry?..

 

[Resolute]

Next time you go on a rollercoaster bring some spare bolts with you. Then say to the person in front of you 'Hey mate, these came out of your seat.'

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

You want to get something off your chest Gerry?..

yeah mate i was that hooker

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

in 1998, it was the iMac,

in 2001, it was the iPod,

in 2007 it was the iPhone,

in 2010, it was the iPad,

now we have a brand new product for you, ladies rejoice, this ones for you...

in 2012 a whole new market,

the iRon

 

[Kev the gas]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

On holiday in Thailand, I had a close call and almost ended up shagging a Ladyboy.

She looked like a woman, spoke like a woman.

I didnt expect a thing until she drove me back to the hotel and reversed into a parking space first time ........

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My wife asked me if we can have something more 'Christmassy' on the television.

So I put Fifa on and played in snowy conditions.

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

 

[desrob]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

an irish man spat on the floor and missed..!

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Hans, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to Orlando,
Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The
madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain
him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she
sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain
the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she
sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!"
and walks quickly away.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for
something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do
with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will
do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would
surprise her.

So the madam sends her over to Hans. The sit and talk, frolic a
little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He
whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him
as hard as she can and leaves.

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in
all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work
herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything
a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man
wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to
teach her employees a lesson.

So she goes over to Hans and says that she's the best in the house and
is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink
and then she sits in his lap.

Hans leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Euros?"
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