a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00"
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses
"Yes" she inquires with a knowing smile. "Can I help you"
"I was wondering" whispers the man "Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?"
"Yes" she purrs. "Indeed I am"
The man replies "Well go and wash your hands I want a cheese sandwich"

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I just saw a fat ginger bird buying a rape alarm. You gotta admire her optimism!

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Spreading my arse cheeks, I said to my doctor, "Do you think those are piles hanging out my arse?"

He said, "Would you mind making an appointment to see me next week. I'm having a meal with my wife at the moment."

 

[Dotty]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I went to see a doctor about a rash on my balls
The doctor said "You'll have to stop w@nking."
"why's that?" I asked
"Because I'm trying to examine you!"

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

wife comes out of the shower with a glint in her eye and says to me, i've just trimmed my ***** and you know what that means??
i sighed and said you've blocked the f-ing trap up again. i'll go and get my plunger

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

The BBC are reporting today that the Libyan leader Col Gaddafi last night slipped into Jordan. Is there nothing Katie Price won't do for publicity?

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I took my ex wife bungee jumping at the weekend. She jumped first. As her neck snapped and her skull split open spraying blood all over the rocks below, My first thought was, "That'll teach you to lie about your weight"

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents, "This is Amanda", his dad jumps up and says "It's a feckin what?????"

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.​

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

‎10 facts about you

1. You're reading my comment
2. You're realizing that's a stupid fact
4. You didn't notice i skipped three
5. You're checking now
6. You're smiling
7. You're still reading my comment
9. You didn't realize I skipped eight
10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again.
11. You are enjoying this
12. You didn't realize there's only suppossed to be ten facts!