a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead *****." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

i was up stairs making sweet love to my mrs when the door rang , my woman been her went to answer it in her dresssing gown while i decided to jump in the shower


when she answered the door my best mate steve was there and been a bit startled at my beautiful mrs . said i give you £200 quid if you undo your dressing gown and show my your gorgeous body.

after a while of humming and arrighning she undid her gown and showed him the treasured beauty that lied beneth.

true to his word he gave her the £200

whilst half way back up the stairs she shouted to me in the shower "it was only steve"

to which i replied "great did he bring that £200 back that i leant him at the last week"

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

i should point out steve , altough he is a plumber is not member of this site , wink wink names were changed to protect the inoccent

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I was talking to my grandad about the recession and he pipes up with "I think it's going to be like the early 70's all over again, 3 day week and all that".
I said "tell me something I don't know".
He said "you know your nan can take my whole fist up her arse"

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I heard this last Saturday and might use it for the future.

I've twin 16 year old boys and took them out with me a while back.

Next time I go I'll introduce them to the customer:

"This is Nick and Roger. Not their names but what they do on their days off."

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

you cant hold it against ryan giggs for having sexual relations with imogen thomas, because any woman whose name is an anagram of 'a smooth minge' surely has to be worth a dabble

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I got stopped off a copper the other day for doing 32 in a 30 zone, he was a right arrogant sod and I was so angry I threw a bottle of domestos at him.............................. Got done for bleach of the police.

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My dad's not very good at giving advice.

He once said, "If you go to the pub and you think you'll be home at 11, tell your wife you'll be home at 12. That way, it'll be a nice surprise when you get back early."

I tried it that night. I came home an hour early, and found my wife in bed with another man.
...
It was my dad,... the thick :censored:......

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I tried to text my girlfriend last night to say 'sorry babe. I can't come over tonight. I have to work. I'll see you next week'

After I sent it I read it back and it said 'Susan, I don't see this relationship working. I am going to dump you in a public place next week. We won't see each other until a night out in three months when we will have some drunken sex and both feel horrible the morning after.'

I had bloody predictive text on.

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My wife said she's leaving me because I act like a tramp.


I begged her not to go