a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Barry98]

Woke up this morning and decided to cycle to work,
but when i went out it was slinging it down.
So i thought i'd go back to bed for 20 minutes.
When i got back in bed i decided to give the missus one from behind.
I said "its slinging it down out there" and she replied
" i know and that stupid sod is cycling to work"

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?"
Son says "At school dad".
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at a mates!".
"What dvd?"
"Toy Story"
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a ****o"
"What! When I was your age I didn'y know what a ****o was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mum laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps the mum!

 

[quality]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Called the wife to tell he I had chopped me finger off.

She replied what the whole finger

I said no the one next to it

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

that needs more work quality mate lol

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Bob the builder walks up to a beautiful girl in the night club and says "I've got an eight inch dick and i can shag all night"
After a couple of drinks she takes him home with her.
The next morning she says to him " You told me that you had an eight inch dick and could shag all night. You've got a five inch dick and only lasted 3 minutes"
Bob looks up at her and says "I'm a builder love.................that was just an estimate."

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"


He replies,







"It's me.............talking to the beer."

 

[quality]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

that needs more work quality mate lol

I am from yorkshire thats as good as it gets

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Was out on Saturday night when I got chatting to a nice looking older woman, She was probably about 50 but was in great shape and looked after herself. In the taxi on the way back to hers, she asked me 'Do you fancy a sportsmans double' I said 'Whats that?' She said 'Its a mother and daughter threesome!' I said 'I'm up for that love' So we gets back to her house, she opens the stairs door and shouts 'Mother, you still awake?!......

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

so am i , huddersfield and as a fellow yorkshiremen a , thats poor fella lol

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My wife said, "A pair of my knickers have disappeared from the washing line"
I said, "I saw that bloke from number 12 taking them"
She said, "What? Why would he do that?"
I said, "I don't know .... maybe he needed to repair a hot-air balloon"