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- 5,439
*walk, walk, walk*
Hmm. No cold callers. Am I a cold-caller? No, I'm not really 'calling.' Just posting a card. I mean people use the expression, 'I just called by on the off chance but you weren't in' which implies you can call without entering the house. But perhaps ringing or knocking constitutes the 'call.' Nah, not a cold-caller. A cold-poster maybe.. A cold-leafleter. If they didn't want those they should be more specific. A card for you!
*walk, walk, walk.. where is.. where is the front door? is that the front door? does it have a front door? this is ridiculous, how do they get in? perhaps they live in the garden. oh there it is..*
Hmm. No junk mail. Am I posting junk mail? Nooo, I'm not really. I mean it's unsolicited, true, but so is half of your royal mail post. And surely there are gradients of junk mail. All junk mailers were not created equal. Surely they wouldn't equate me with a be-tracksuited youth noisily posting fistfulls of glossy takeaway menus and double glazing pamphlets through their glorious holes? Small, discreet business cards delivered in person by a local man promoting his own business....Nah, I'm not really a junk mailer. They can't possibly mean me. A card for you!
*walk, walk, walk, JESUS, flipping barking mutt scared the living daylights out of me. just wait a moment for my genitals to re-emerge.....right. the boys are back in the barracks*
Hmm. No canvassers. That's a political thing isn't it? Johnny Blue-Rosette and his views on foreigners. That doesn't apply to me. A card for you!
*walk, walk, walk. garden gates a bit stiff....I'll just ....nearly....arrrghh... flipping....how is it meant....this is actually embarrassing now i'll just...i'll just leave this one....walk, walk, walk....*
Hmm. We do not employ casual tradesmen. Casual? What does that imply? Workmen in tuxedos at all times? Semi-professional probably. Jack of all trades. Cowboy-esque. Well that's not me. No they can't mean me. One card for you!
*walk, walk, walk, up to the front door and...ARGH...he opened it with my hand half way through the letterbox...Hi! Haha, just....delivering....thanks....byeeeee. why now? why at THAT moment. does he just wait by the letterbox for his once daily pleasure of terrifying visitors?*
Hmm. No unsolicited mail of any kind. No unaddressed post. No leaflets, flyers, menus. No uninvited guests. Trespassers will be gassed to the full extent of the mains supply. Vicious packs of freely wandering beasts are guarding the yard and haven't been fed their favourite treat of plumber buttocks for weeks.
That, that applies to me. Ok. No card for you.
Hmm. No cold callers. Am I a cold-caller? No, I'm not really 'calling.' Just posting a card. I mean people use the expression, 'I just called by on the off chance but you weren't in' which implies you can call without entering the house. But perhaps ringing or knocking constitutes the 'call.' Nah, not a cold-caller. A cold-poster maybe.. A cold-leafleter. If they didn't want those they should be more specific. A card for you!
*walk, walk, walk.. where is.. where is the front door? is that the front door? does it have a front door? this is ridiculous, how do they get in? perhaps they live in the garden. oh there it is..*
Hmm. No junk mail. Am I posting junk mail? Nooo, I'm not really. I mean it's unsolicited, true, but so is half of your royal mail post. And surely there are gradients of junk mail. All junk mailers were not created equal. Surely they wouldn't equate me with a be-tracksuited youth noisily posting fistfulls of glossy takeaway menus and double glazing pamphlets through their glorious holes? Small, discreet business cards delivered in person by a local man promoting his own business....Nah, I'm not really a junk mailer. They can't possibly mean me. A card for you!
*walk, walk, walk, JESUS, flipping barking mutt scared the living daylights out of me. just wait a moment for my genitals to re-emerge.....right. the boys are back in the barracks*
Hmm. No canvassers. That's a political thing isn't it? Johnny Blue-Rosette and his views on foreigners. That doesn't apply to me. A card for you!
*walk, walk, walk. garden gates a bit stiff....I'll just ....nearly....arrrghh... flipping....how is it meant....this is actually embarrassing now i'll just...i'll just leave this one....walk, walk, walk....*
Hmm. We do not employ casual tradesmen. Casual? What does that imply? Workmen in tuxedos at all times? Semi-professional probably. Jack of all trades. Cowboy-esque. Well that's not me. No they can't mean me. One card for you!
*walk, walk, walk, up to the front door and...ARGH...he opened it with my hand half way through the letterbox...Hi! Haha, just....delivering....thanks....byeeeee. why now? why at THAT moment. does he just wait by the letterbox for his once daily pleasure of terrifying visitors?*
Hmm. No unsolicited mail of any kind. No unaddressed post. No leaflets, flyers, menus. No uninvited guests. Trespassers will be gassed to the full extent of the mains supply. Vicious packs of freely wandering beasts are guarding the yard and haven't been fed their favourite treat of plumber buttocks for weeks.
That, that applies to me. Ok. No card for you.