a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

What’s the difference between acne and a paedophile?
Acne doesn’t come on your face until you’re twelve.

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ****ing appendix out!"

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park."

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I hate this time of day.

Halfway between never drinking again and noon

 

[quality]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I failed a job interveiw this morning! apparently a gang bang is not considered to be part of working as a team

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I told a lass in the boozer on Friday "You remind me of my little toe"
She said "Is it cos I'm cute and pink?"
I said "No, it's because I'll be banging you on the coffee table later"

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I couldn't find the thing that peels the carrots and potatoes so I asked the kids if they knew where it was.
They told me she'd left me yesterday!

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Emile Heskey found out that his missus had been sleeping with several premiership goalies.

When asked about it he said "I wouldn't put anything past those *******s."

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

The X Factor: Putting the turd in Saturday since 2006

 

[leelister6]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

While out walking with the missus the other day, she stopped, complaining about a stone in her shoe. I told her "You've got 20 stone in the other shoe..... keep walking you fat lump"