How to win my girl back!

[KingDoey]

Hi all,

Just wondered if any of you could offer me some assistance with the great problem to us men that is women..

So me and her were together for a year and a half and split up several months ago. My dad got quite ill and was touch and go and instead of trying to let her support me through it I pushed her out. Ended up ending things saying it was better for her etc. The things we all say.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago we started speaking again. Ended up meeting up a few times and sleeping together (probably a silly idea). Well the past few months I have been thinking about the whole relationship and where things went wrong etc and how we could improve if we had another chance. We have spoke about all of this and decided to take things slow. Sort of start again and draw a line under everything so to speak. She says she needs time to trust me again and doesnt want to get in a relationship straight away until she knows I wont leave her again. I completely understand this and accept that it will take time. In my oppinion she is worth it. I love the girl to bits.

Now heres the hard part. She says she wants to take things slow so I have told her balls entirely in her court (we are exclusive to each other though!). But we have seen quite a lot of each other over the past few weeks. Just doing fun things going on walks, for dinner etc. Stuff which we stopped doing before we split. Anyway i ended up staying at hers sat night. We had a great evening but then in the morning she told me shes not sure what she wants. One minute she tells me she loves me and knows we can sort it out and be stonger for it, then the next she says that she has got stronger without me and isnt sure if she wants a relationship etc.

So atm I am sort of in a limbo. I really want this girl and understand it will take time but I have been wondering whether she is going to come round or if my efforts will prove futile. She says she doesnt want anyone else but isnt sure if she wants to or CAN get back with me. I guess I just dont want to be made to look like a mug... And put all my energy into this for nothing.

Has anyone got any tips or successfully won their girl back? Im trying my best but not sure what else I can do.

Thanks for reading and hope you can help guys (and girls!)

:blush5:

 

[Barry98]

Be patient but strong , if its meant to be its meant to be , take it steady listen to her , show her you can be trusted

 

[Barry98]

Or just spin her a yarn

 

[SimonG]

If you're both enjoying the time together then don't worry about it.

 

[KingDoey]

If you're both enjoying the time together then don't worry about it.

Yeah see thats what I dont get, she said earlier when shes with me she has a great time and loves it and could quite happily be back with me. But when shes on her own shes not really that bothered....

 

[SimonG]

Yeah see thats what I dont get, she said earlier when shes with me she has a great time and loves it and could quite happily be back with me. But when shes on her own shes not really that bothered....

Sounds like she's just saying that as either a bit of a get back for you pushing her away or trying to show that she's not solely reliant on you.

 

[KingDoey]

Yeah to be fair, right at the start she said that she was going make me sweat a bit to make me realise that it wont be easy. Guess she is testing me.

Really do not understand what goes through a woman's head....

 

[SimonG]

Really do not understand what goes through a woman's head....

Nobody does, not even women

 

[Guest123]

One thing all women hate in a man over all other things is if he appears needy. Change your tack here mate, break off contact, don't call her, meet with her or above all don't appear as if you can't live without her. Just stop contact end of, but don't tell her your doing this. This will get her interested and I can assure you she WILL contact you first if it's meant to be. The hardest part is breaking off contact.

Been there, done that and bought the tee shirt. A woman in your life can be the most satisfying and fulfilling thing that's ever happened to you, but when it ends, a broken heart can destroy you.

 

[KingDoey]

Yeah see if I done that mate she would think that I was leaving her again and that would make things worse. Oh dont worry I know youv got to show birds you can live without them etc. Thats what i have been doing to be honest I hardly text her or anything
Its her that rings and texts me etc. Iv just been doing my own thing. Im familiar with that approach !

 

[Guest123]

OR.....
Plan B

If you REALLY love her that much, go and buy a nice ring, propose to her and show her that you mean it and it's for keeps. Seems she doesn't trust you staying with her for good.

 

[Barry98]

OR.....
Plan B

If you REALLY love her that much, go and buy a nice ring, propose to her and show her that you mean it and it's for keeps. Seems she doesn't trust you staying with her for good.

Yeah that's what I did lol

 

[KingDoey]

Yeah see that might be a bit too much LOL. I have told her that if we sorted stuff I would be ready to move in with her etc... Surely thats enough?!

 

[Barry98]

No they all love the bling

 

[KingDoey]

No they all love the bling

They may love the bling, regrettably my bank account does not!

 

[petercj]

KingDoey

If she starts saying things like this when you've just had a good time, the chances are she's thinking: "that was good, but will it last!"

Having a good time will likely cause her to drop her defenses, and then the aftermath may be a wave of insecure feelings triggered by memories of what happened in the past.

I would suggest being reassuring at such times without being pushy. Listen to what she says, and say that you can see her side of things. Make it clear that you were in a very difficult place at the time, and that shutting her out was a big mistake, and that you want to learn from it. You are only human after all, and it's not an uncommon reaction during times of intense stress. Tell her that you did need her support, but that your head was all over the place, and you didn't know how to let her be there for you.

Having shown some understanding and given her reassurance when she feels uncertain, get on with the relationship and make the most of each other, i.e. don't get too bogged down in analysing things - she probably needs time to regain her confidence in you and the relationship. So listen when she feels unsure, but get on with showing her how good you are together as soon as she shows signs of being positive again.

You sound to be pretty switched on going by your replies here, so just keep doing the things that she appreciates, and play the long game.

Trust is the fulcrum in intimate relationships, so give her time to restore her trust in you.

Good luck.

 

[Dotty]

Growl at her. Beat your chest then club her over the head. Drag her back to your cave and tie her to the cooking fire.

Or take her for a nice meal, or even cook something special yourself - I can give you a couple of nice recipes but steak, decent steak, and chips every time!

Be honest with her and tell her everything you've told us. Start looking for a place together as a statement of intent.

 

[zeebeedee]

When did this become an agony aunt forum?

 

[PlumbBobBob]

about two hours ago by the looks of it lol

 

[petercj]

Growl at her. Beat your chest then club her over the head. Drag her back to your cave and tie her to the cooking fire.

Or take her for a nice meal, or even cook something special yourself - I can give you a couple of nice recipes but steak, decent steak, and chips every time!

Be honest with her and tell her everything you've told us. Start looking for a place together as a statement of intent.

Frozen oven chips?

 

[Dannypipe]

Pull a really fit bird, to make her green with envy. Easier said than done, but it works!!

You're probably in your early 20's??? Don't want to sound patronising but a lot of our early rellationships are a warm up to the real deal. Where you have trust, mutual respect and friendship.

Most of us have been there in the on/off on off rellationships..... and personally looking back, they were a waste of time. Because most of the time, the final outcome is off. We just don't like dealing with the pain off that empty feeling when it ends. If you can deal with it, learn from it, and move on. You will grow and be happier in the long run.

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

plumbers giving relationship advice i can see it now,give her a thorough service and tickle her test point nipples,this can only go terribly wrong

 

[John_]

Is this the way to go nowadays - plumbers turn into counselling?

My contribution if it worths anything - go with the flow, if you both enjoy the company why rush it, let time do the talking. Good luck!

 

[gavinwilson]

As Danny said do her sister/best mate... Joke just back off a bit let her decide what she wants just don't let her take the p

sent from my annoying box

 

[julesverne]

They may love the bling, regrettably my bank account does not!

Thats why cubic zirconia was invented

 

[KingDoey]

Thanks for all the replies folks. In response to Dannypipe I am 24 mate, had a few serious relationships but realised shes the one for me. Just wish I could of dealt with things better at the time. But you live and learn and if its meant to be it will....

Just gonna go with the flow and enjoy the positives. Not force it and see where it goes from there.

Thank you all

God Bless

 

[SimonG]

....and who said plumbers are heartless rip off merchants?

Come to UKPF, we care.

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

Thanks for all the replies folks. In response to Dannypipe I am 24 mate, had a few serious relationships but realised shes the one for me. Just wish I could of dealt with things better at the time. But you live and learn and if its meant to be it will....

Just gonna go with the flow and enjoy the positives. Not force it and see where it goes from there.

Thank you all

God Bless

i was 23 when i met my wife,2 kids and 12 years later we are still strong ,i would still bang her mate though......hang on cant married LOL

 

[John_]

Speaking of time do the talking, took me 10 years to have the courage to propose to my wife, now coming up to 10 years marriage, still going strong. Wish I had propose earlier so I could call my business *** and son as my son will now be old enough. Always like that

 

[hunterseye]

i agree with the above mentioned. its all mind games with women so you have to play um at their own game. DO NOT appear needy as stated above. even if its killing you inside you act like your feathers have hardly been ruffled.
when shes telling you things she'll be looking for your reaction.
let her know the balls in her court and you'll go with her choice then back off and mention it no more.
this way your being subtle at being hard to get.
failing that my friend. rohypnol....haha i kid. use a big stick.