Stupid jokes

[bright spark]

Paddy and Mick are working on a building site. Mick says I'm gonna pretend I've gone mad and get a day off. When d fireman goes by Mick swings from d rafters upside down shouting 'I'm a lightbulb'.
The foreman says 'a Jesus Micks gone mad. You better go home'
then Paddy starts packing up too. The foreman asks 'where ye going Paddy?'
Paddy says 'I may go home, I can't work in d dark'

 

[SimonG]

What do you call a judge with no fingers?




Justice Thumbs.

 

[newcastle phill]

Where does kylie minogue buy her kebabs......

Jasons donner van

 

[Ray Stafford]

Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?


Where you left it!

 

[missplumb]

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road when a prostitute walks upto paddy and says "do you want to go to bed with me for 40 quid"
Paddy replied "well i'm not really tired but could do with the money!"

 

[turnpin]

Paddy finds a sandwich with wires coming out of it connected to a clock and a battery so he phones the police and tells them ...the officer on the end of the line asks Paddy "is it ticking"....Paddy thinks for a moment and replies "it look's like beef to me......lol regards Turnpin

 

[bright spark]

Here's 1 from a rugger players book from a tour of Sth Africa. Two of d players were walking down d street after a fill of drink. 1 lad was a bit shy, the other was full of himself. The bulk**** artist approached a lady of d night and said 'hello, I'm going to give you something you've never had before'
The girl beckoned her co worker and said 'hey Mary hers 1 with leperacy!

 

[mfgs]

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field

 

[Rickster123]

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

 

[missplumb]

paddy and mick are sat watching the 10 oclock news, mick says to paddy "i bet you £50 this bloke jumps off the building and kills himself". paddy takes the bet.
later in the pub, paddy gives mick his £50. Mick says " its ok paddy, i saw it on the 6 o clock news earlier", to which Paddy replies " well so did i, but i didnt think he'd do it again!!"