I want to start a cheese mining company where do i start?

[Keefy]

Hello guys Iam really interested in starting a cheese mining company. I have no experience at the moment dealing with cheese or any cheese mining experience as well for that matter. I have no idea where to start can anyone help me?

I've done my research and found that 90% of the moon is made of cheese and would like to know if I need any qualifications to fly a space shuttle there.

If you're not going to help then don't post in my tread.

​

 

[TomLane]

I know a man that knows a man, who knows another man, who knows this woman, that knows a man who might be able to get you some!

We're not talking just your average cheese here mind! Apparently it's high quality, face gurning, mind spinning, class A cheese! The sort of stuff that will turn you inside out, upside down, round & round & read you your last rights cheese!

Let me know, in fact, send me a deposit of all the blood & tears you can squeeze from an Algerian hamster & I'll get you a 'G' to get you going!

This is just for you though at the minute as they can't guarantee your safety!

It's good stuff though & what can go wrong?!?!?

 

[peteheat]

Must be a cheese mining forum somewhere??????????

Secret societies, even Google can't find them

 

[Keefy]

I know a man that knows a man, who knows another man, who knows this woman, that knows a man who might be able to get you some!

We're not talking just your average cheese here mind! Apparently it's high quality, face gurning, mind spinning, class A cheese! The sort of stuff that will turn you inside out, upside down, round & round & read you your last rights cheese!

Let me know, in fact, send me a deposit of all the blood & tears you can squeeze from an Algerian hamster & I'll get you a 'G' to get you going!

This is just for you though at the minute as they can't guarantee your safety!

It's good stuff though & what can go wrong?!?!?

Is there much demand for cheese where you live?

 

[Dotty]

Have you given any consideration to how you intend to grade your cheese?

 

[hammers4spanner]

I'm sure you will find a second hand rocket on ebay ,then all you need to do is find a jet propulsion expert tell them you have bought a lunar rocket off ebay and then inform him/her exactly how much you want to pay to build the rocket . You'll be off to the moon to indulge in cheese before you know it


doddle!!!

 

[Dotty]

I've been thinking of building a cracker empire. There isn't one at the moment in the town I come from.

Perhaps we can help each other

 

[Koogatubac]

Ur all crazy ! So so funny reading these posts esp tom about a man who knows a man who knows a man who knows a woman who knows a half man woman lol

 

[mountainman]

I think Wallace and Gromit have beaten you to it Keefy.

 

[Keefy]

Have you given any consideration to how you intend to grade your cheese?

Yes; smelly, really smelly, really really smelly and **** me that ****ing wreaks!

I'm sure you will find a second hand rocket on ebay ,then all you need to do is find a jet propulsion expert tell them you have bought a lunar rocket off ebay and then inform him/her exactly how much you want to pay to build the rocket . You'll be off to the moon to indulge in cheese before you know it


doddle!!!

I'm having trouble finding anything on ebay tbh.

I've been thinking of building a cracker empire. There isn't one at the moment in the town I come from.

Perhaps we can help each other

My mate had a crack empire once, he's now doing 24 years.

I think Wallace and Gromit have beaten you to it Keefy.

Never heard of them.

 

[rocketmanbkk]

Do you first need to be cheese safe to start this company, if you are not cheese safe I suggest completing a in-depth cheese safe course and then gain experience.

Good luck

 

[TomLane]

Is there much demand for cheese where you live?

Massive!

It's Cheltenham race week this week & they're all going squeaking crazy for it!!

Everyone's on it like white on rice, even like a tramp on chips!! They just can't get enough!!

 

[TomLane]

I think Wallace and Gromit have beaten you to it Keefy.

How do you know Wallace & Gromit? Are you from round this way?

I think you know too much! Who have you been speaking to? What have they told?

Hmmmmm, I think we've got the law on to us already Keefy!

 

[Keefy]

Cheese Safe? I'll just get a dairy farmer to sign my work off. And yeah, Tom, I think mountainman might be a spy.

 

[Mike Jackson]

I've been thinking of building a cracker empire. There isn't one at the moment in the town I come from.

Perhaps we can help each other

I think your best bet is to get yourself signed up for a fast crack course.

 

[clarky101]

There's a treacle mine near eastbourne....I know it's not cheese but hey....it's a mine...

 

[Centralheatking]

I would look for some land in Cheddar (Somerset) Caerphilly has some cheaper land
there is plenty of cheap land with mining certificates already granted in Knotty Ash
Merseyside but the license only allows Jam Buttys to be extracted ........
Now Mars is a potential goldmine for ..........the men in white coats are coming up my drive

Hello guys Iam really interested in starting a cheese mining company. I have no experience at the moment dealing with cheese or any cheese mining experience as well for that matter. I have no idea where to start can anyone help me?

I've done my research and found that 90% of the moon is made of cheese and would like to know if I need any qualifications to fly a space shuttle there.

If you're not going to help then don't post in my tread.

​

 

[Centralheatking]

Croppie its obvious how to grade cheese and you also know how - 1. tasty when sober 2. Quite tasty after a tin or 2 3. fantastic on toast at 3 am who cares what it is when approaching oblivion

Have you given any consideration to how you intend to grade your cheese?

 

[Centralheatking]

The location of the Marmite and Gentlemens relish adit mines are top secret I know
where they are

There's a treacle mine near eastbourne....I know it's not cheese but hey....it's a mine...

 

[zeebeedee]

Cheese is mined ?!? :blush2:

 

[Sid Viscous]

You could always buy some Osmands cds & a Robin Williams dvd or 2. Lifetime supplies there dude

 

[nickelarsed]

due to massive under supply in the cheese miner market we are expanding our operations and in just six weeks you too could be a cheese safe engineer. This cheese safe qualification will not only lead you to being a valued and well respected member of your community but is a job for life (everyone needs cheese, think about it) and on average cheese safe engineers are making between fifty to seventy thousand pounds a year. All you need to do is transfer two thousand pounds into our bank as a deposit and we can start your distance cheese mining course staright away. Learn the secrets of cheese and change your life forever.

 

[Ray Stafford]

What if I'm lactose intolerant?

 

[Sid Viscous]

Goat cheese & sheep cheese, very popular on the near continant

 

[Keefy]

What if I'm lactose intolerant?

Bloody hell Ray, why the serious question?

 

[Ray Stafford]

Bloody hell Ray, why the serious question?

What serious question?

 

[Keefy]

What serious question?

LOL okay then, tough question?

 

[Ray Stafford]

I just want to make sure that my human right to re-train as a cheese miner would not be infringed if I happened to be lactose-intolerant.

 

[Ray Stafford]

If you will start a silly thread...

 

[Keefy]

If you will start a silly thread...

Hey, some people thought Einstein was stupid.

 

[Ray Stafford]

Hey, some people thought Einstein was stupid.

Yeah, until he discovered cheddar gorge. That shut the critics up.

 

[Keefy]

Someone please lock this thread, it's even doing my head in now. :crazy:

 

[nickelarsed]

Yeah, until he discovered cheddar gorge. That shut the critics up.

I thought he came up with cheese string theory....

yes my coat is already on

 

[peteheat]

I just want to make sure that my human right to re-train as a cheese miner would not be infringed if I happened to be lactose-intolerant.

Ray please read the full post, nickelarsed stated quite clearly :

All you need to do is transfer two thousand pounds into our bank as a deposit and we can start your distance cheese mining course staright away. Learn the secrets of cheese and change your life forever.

They obviously do not discriminate or prevent anyone from earning 50 > £70,000 per year.

Just pay up the £2,000

BTW obviously not a con, I was allowed to pay using Pay Pal !
​

 

[plumber0808]

WTF !!!!
someone posts about wanting to become a cheese farmer or something and everyone chips in "oh yeh grades, smells, rockets, safe"
WTF!