You never know what life is going to throw at you!

[cr0ft]

My wife and partner of 8.5 years has said she still loves me but needs space and has walked out to stay with her sis!

Feels ****ing awful. She feels she doesn't have her own identity.

The worst bit about being self-employed is not being able to pull a sick day sometimes! Not looking forward to work tomorrow!

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

jesus mate sorry to hear that

 

[Ray Stafford]

**** keiran, that's a b@stard. Hope it all works out ok.

 

[cr0ft]

Thanks guys.

 

[townfanjon]

Blimey mate thats a bugger. If you have posted this on here you are obviously very upset, why the hell cant you pull a 'sicky' I would , any decent customer would understand.

 

[cr0ft]

TBH it's weird but it's much easier chatting about it with people I have never met. Does that seem messed up?

 

[Nostrum]

Sorry to hear it Croft.

It wasn't the new shed was it?

Genuinely hope things work out for you. Customer come second in instances like this.

 

[Ermintrude]

Pretty poop thing to do. But give her some space , wait for her sister to call u ? Perhaps send some flowers for valentines but don't write loads?

 

[townfanjon]

TBH it's weird but it's much easier chatting about it with people I have never met. Does that seem messed up?

definitely not

 

[Dotty]

Bloody hell Keiran!

I know it hurts mate, don't make the mistake I did and turn to the bottle for support. Use your family, your friends and us to sound out on.

Being here for each other is one of the reasons we all log on.

 

[turnpin]

TBH it's weird but it's much easier chatting about it with people I have never met. Does that seem messed up?

No not at all after all a problem shared is a problem halved hope all works out ..best regards Turnpin

 

[Dotty]

TBH it's weird but it's much easier chatting about it with people I have never met. Does that seem messed up?

Not in the slightest. It's probably because we've never met you find it easier.

 

[julesverne]

shoot really feeling for ya . take the day off tomorrow make some bullshoot excuse just to gather yourself. Hope you can works things out.

 

[mutley racers]

That's real tough feller. I think ermni's advice is pretty good. Show her how much you care without too much pressure. I hope it comes good soon

 

[cr0ft]

To be honest it's a combination of me being, erm, quite a dominating personality and getting my own way a lot and her not feeling confident about shouting up about what she wants. Result = an angry wife that's exploded big style.

Mistakes on both sides I guess.

 

[gasmanrob]

Ouch. Nothing we can say or do will ease the blow of that.

If she loves you as she says then this maybe a good thing had she felt this way and not done anything or said anything she may have ended up resenting the relationship or worse you. Best she gets a bit of space and perspective on things.

chin up mate and don't forget you need a bit of space and time too working on a clouded mind is always counter productive. You think on things too much and end up snapping at the wrong people for the wrong things.

if you are clouded and confused take the day off. Sit in doors, go for a walk or whatever but just take time for you!!

 

[julesverne]

Not in the slightest. It's probably because we've never met you find it easier.

:iagree:

 

[IDCHAPPY]

B'ah, it's a dull blow mate. I presume there was no warning about it?
Take it easy if you can and see if she can give more explanation of where things are wrong.

 

[Destroyer2813]

Probably seems easier to talk to us as you get a unbiased opinion and no face to face awkward Ness. Seems tough mate just give her time don't hassle her to soon may make things worse good luck pal but I'd definitely be pulling a sickie if I fell I needed it

 

[cr0ft]

Ironically I've fallen out with my family defending her. My brother has autism but sometimes uses it to his advantage in social situations. My wife pulled him up on it and parents fell out with wife = I fell out with family.

Not a great combination!!

 

[cr0ft]

There was some warning, i.e. we've been arguing quite a bit recently over the most stupid things. Everything is easy to understand with hinsight of course.

She says she is going to come over on Tuesday night to chat about it all and she is still texting me so hopefully the time apart will make her realise it's worth fighting for.

I could be doing without 2nd fixing a rewire tomorrow, not the ideal job to have a clouded mind for really!!

 

[Ermintrude]

Take dogs out for a good walk, stop dwelling on it . And do as she asks then? Possibly just chill out ? As big bob once said don't worry.


Plus as a bit of an edit to an above post problem shared with the 300 or so arms members is a problem 1/299thed

 

[Destroyer2813]

When she comes over then try and air all your problems without getting into a confrontation and explain you'll make some adjustments as she should and go from there

 

[Ermintrude]

No getting depressed tomorrow and playing Russian roulette with rcds before u teste them with megger!

 

[gasmanrob]

When she comes over make sure you have vented that day!

As it will be all about your short comings in her eyes how you make her feel, take it on the chin and don't snap back.

we had a large bust up in the new year and I flew well off the rails baby gate through the front door the works. Worked through it but nearly lost everything in 15 seconds of red mist because it was all about my failings

 

[PlumbBobBob]

so sorry to hear this kieran, have a good nights sleep. things will be better in the morning i'm sure. i do hope you can sort it all out.

 

[cr0ft]

No getting depressed tomorrow and playing Russian roulette with rcds before u teste them with megger!

Even worse than that. I will be working in the house with a plasterer all day!!

 

[Masood]

Feel for you, Kieran. A hard thing to be confronted with but there are positives too - she's still talking to you, she still sees value in coming over to talk it through. Keep positive and as someone said earlier, just try and stay calm. You may well have all sorts of criticisms and accusations flung at you but don't take them to heart and react. It's not that they are absolute fact, it's how she perceives things at the moment. Keep strong mate, we're all here for you whatever you need to talk about.

 

[Masood]

Even worse than that. I will be working in the house with a plasterer all day!!

Well that's a good thing, you can vent all your frustration and anger at him. He's a spread, he deserves it...

 

[Toxic Ted]

Sorry to hear about it and as others have already said, share the load mate......thing might not seem so heavy in a couple of days especially as you are still talking....Chin up.

 

[Rickster123]

Bad times mate. Never a bad thing to talk to others. I know it certainly helps me. My advice for what it's worth is give her a little time and space if that's what she wants but don't give up if she's worth fighting for.
chin up mate.

 

[PlumbersMate]

Been split up with my missus almost a year, and thankfully we are still so close, and will be back together very soon. One bit of advice I will give. Ask her to write a list, being as honest as she can about what it is you do, or don't do, which upsets her, and you do the same. told my missus to be as brutally honest as she can, We done it and I can honestly say its the best thing we done. Onwards n upwards mate

 

[Ermintrude]

Even worse than that. I will be working in the house with a plasterer all day!!

Got number for samaratans somewhere ? Doubt they will be able to help. Just turn the water off usually shuts them up.

 

[Dotty]

Even worse than that. I will be working in the house with a plasterer all day!!

A pair of wrists may need cutting. Preferably his......

 

[REDSAW]

all things work out for the better good in the end.

just have to put more into it than what you want out of it.

good luck.m8

 

[iain85]

Sorry to hear this, been having issues with the other half recently due to not having time for her.
ive decided to take some time out from work to sort things out and focus on the things most important things in life (child,wife, health) I think that is exactly the beauty of being self employed so perhaps if you can afford it offer to take her away and spend some quality time together.

good luck with it and as mentioned try to avoid the drink.

best,

Iain

 

[P J F PLUMBING]

Good luck mate it's five years ago this week my ex fu &@ ed me over she's still a nasty piece of work but my son is nearly 6 now and I'm married with twin boys so it gets better chin up hope your ok we are thinking of you

 

[SafeGasInstall]

i am sorry to hear that but ,
1.this is a sign she loves you as she got angry (we human dont get angry over things we dont care )
2.go to work and keep been your self and stay positive
3.when she comes over dont push it (be the listener) gave her the good words she is expecting to hear for what she really good at
4.never get family involve or friend trying to speak to her
5.dont forget you are the man and you need to have the last word (however twist you ego but be loveable partner )


pls dont be upset from my post , if you dont agree just ignore it

be strong pal

 

[julesverne]

i think the most important thing me and my missus have learnt from being together 22 years is compromise and being able to meet each other half way. and having 2 tv's

 

[P J F PLUMBING]

i think the most important thing me and my missus have learnt from being together 22 years is compromise and being able to meet each other half way. and having 2 tv's

And a good shed

 

[SimonG]

Sorry to hear this Keiran. Times like this forget work, your mind will be elsewhere and youll not get half as much done as you want, which will put you in the wrong frame of mind for when you both next speak.

It sounds like you know the issues, which is the bulk of the battle, its all down to finding a route through it that gives both of you what you want. But whatever you do dont rush it, rushing wont fix anything.

Good luck.

 

[tamz]

Sorry to hear this Kieran. I know how it feels as i went through it a while ago but handled it really bad loosing more than i ever knew i had. Sometimes being self employed agrivates the situation as you focus more on running a business and tend to take for granted the ones we love. There is still hope but you (and your mrs) will have to change and compromise and make a bit us time. Good luck i hope you both get it resolved.

 

[kirkgas]

Try to keep calm, and not let things get out of control by saying too much to her while you are angry and confused, once said it's hard to retract, give her a bit of space and see what happens, good luck

 

[Ray Stafford]

To be honest it's a combination of me being, erm, quite a dominating personality and getting my own way a lot and her not feeling confident about shouting up about what she wants. Result = an angry wife that's exploded big style.

Its always a mistake to start an argument with your wife, but if you find that you have accidentally done so, MAKE SURE YOU LOSE IT, as quickly as you possibly can, and with good grace.

 

[Killy Bing]

Kiaran im young and stupid, unlike everyone else im not married nor do i end up with relationships longer than a year.

(ps iain shes asked me on a second date after tonight taken a leaf out of tamz books)

what i do know is my dad is so focused on work he never spent time with my mum or me and the sister.

as such i see how he treats my mum like an employee rather than a wife.
as he treats me and my sister too.

so my advice is soon as you patch things up with the wife. Make a point of having weekend breaks and looking after her first, your relaxation will come from that.

give the damned phone to the apprentice and give him a notepad and 40 quid for the hassle!!

all the time we are running our businesses we are M.Ds first and thats hard to switch off, expecially when that time bomb is in your pocket!

i hope it works out, and no dutch courage before she comes round

 

[Phil]

Never nice to hear this, me and my girlfriend had a huge bust up on Christmas eve over a silly little thing, when we work up Christmas morning the first thing she said was she hated my guts! As you can imagine it wasn't a good day!

I hate all this "don't worry, your business comes first - I'm on the back burner" BS she spouts. I don't have a 9-5 job and she knew that from the start. I always have time for her and said no to loads of late night call outs. Jesus she doesnt work at the moment and seems to think food just magically appears on a plate.

Hope you work things out mate.

 

[tamz]

When i met my present wife i was still very much in work mode. I told her straight up my life revoled around my work. Being a well smart woman, she took that on board and set about changing me in subtle ways i never noticed. Now i am in a good place and work to live rather than live to work.

 

[albatross]

Work may not be so bad fella. There's nowt worse than sitting at home all day stewing about it. You may have to go to work but use it to your advantage. It may take your mind off it, work slow, have an easy day, get some banter going with the plasterer and don't do owt crucial. Leave the final hook up and test till another day if possible just in case. I've been to work before with my head up my backside and just pottered away with easy jobs till I feel better.

You hear so many similar stories these days, women are very self centred now. Years ago they would be proud to be a good wife and mother supporting a hard working husband. Now they have their heads filled with clueless ideas by the media telling them they should expect the unrealistic and they go from having a good home and life to splitting up a family with their far fetched ideals and end up renting a council flat, sharing the kids, no husband anymore.

 

[cr0ft]

Well just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the advice and support here. Never thought I would find that on a trade forum lol.

The wife came over tonight and I actually listened for once, didn't fly off the handle etc. She said it was scary as I wasn't the same person lol.

She is going to move in on Thursday night but insists on separate bedrooms grrr.

Hopefully if I stop being a ***** we can sort things out.

Thanks a lot for all of your support and help.

 

[Dotty]

A pair of wrists may need cutting. Preferably his......

Well, that turned out somewhat prophetic!

Well just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the advice and support here. Never thought I would find that on a trade forum lol.

The wife came over tonight and I actually listened for once, didn't fly off the handle etc. She said it was scary as I wasn't the same person lol.

She is going to move in on Thursday night but insists on separate bedrooms grrr.

Hopefully if I stop being a ***** we can sort things out.

Thanks a lot for all of your support and help.

Mate, it's a start. Little steps lead to bigger steps and hopefully it'll leave you stronger as a couple. Sometimes you get complacent with eah other, perhaps this is the wake up call you both need.

Make her a cup of tea in bed each morning.

And do the washing up now and again!