You couldn't make this up.

[Ray Stafford]

Got an email today from the alarm company. Just for background - a Police URN is a number that you need to have a monitored alarm system accepted for automatic police reponse.

Dear Mr Stafford

I am contacting you reference the xxxxxx Branch, I have applied for your Police URN, but the Met Police has advised that they can not trace the address, they are asking if the information we provided is correct.

[goes on to give the complete postal address - INCLUDING FULL POSTCODE!]

If the details are correct do you have any additional information with regards to the premises to help the police locate the building.

Kind regards
Michelle xxxxxx
Installation Team Leader

My reply

Hi Michelle

I’m not sure how to answer this without seeming sarcastic!

I typed that postcode into Google, and it instantly produced an accurate map, and dropped the pin precisely where our building is - which is an a well-established industrial estate, between xxxxxx Country park and xxxxxx yyyyyy Prison. See map attached.

Fearing that the map might be mistaken, I used streetview to look around. Within seconds I located the unit, and helpfully the nice people at Google have updated their pics, and it even has our signs over the door! See screenshot attached.

If we are seriously being asked to believe that the pride of Scotland Yard can’t find it, then I am at a loss to know what to suggest.

Yours, in gibbering disbelief

Ray

 

[stevetheplumber]

whats even worse im not even suprised when we had a my daughters car broken into they sent an eighteen year old pco round and her words of sympathy were "i bet your gutted"

 

[lame plumber]

when I contacted the plod this evening as some delight had hidden their motorbike on my property/road and I eventually managed to get the fact it was sorned, no tax or insurance, they said it was my problem. My comment that if someone then got on it at about 1am later on, drove off killing a poor soul in a car, could they realistically call that proactive policing, as I was fed up with having folks use my land as a place to belt around on. Went on to raise a formal complaint.

Got a call later on fm a senior officer (sergeant, not that senior ) so I suggested that proactive policing might involve looking up the owner, having a chat and seeing how it went from there. So they did, the owner was surprised to be chased up, having hidden the offending bike away from his home, bright the young of today, so it has been recovered back to his place, he now knows the plod are looking out for him and is supposedly getting his transport made road worthy. We will see, but to my mind that is called being proactive, dont see much of that nowadays!!!!!!!!

 

[rocketmanbkk]

Got an email today from the alarm company. Just for background - a Police URN is a number that you need to have a monitored alarm system accepted for automatic police reponse.



My reply

I worked for police as a civvie for just over 10yrs in crime prevention for 6 of them

The public believe, whether told, sold or informed that police respond to monitored alarms.

Well, they do if certain criteria are met & they have the manpower.

Albeit I never heard of a sounding burglar alarm having an immediate response, not even the next level - within 4 hrs.

Some of the public also believe that police forces have some sort of huge monitoring station.

It's a myth.

 

[Ray Stafford]

I worked for police as a civvie for just over 10yrs in crime prevention for 6 of them

The public believe, whether told, sold or informed that police respond to monitored alarms.

Well, they do if certain criteria are met & they have the manpower.

Albeit I never heard of a sounding burglar alarm having an immediate response, not even the next level - within 4 hrs.

Some of the public also believe that police forces have some sort of huge monitoring station.

It's a myth.

I know that the monitoring is done by a private company, and we try to meet all the criteria for 1st line police response. We also have some other tricks which I am not going to post about.

Many is the night I have spent brewing tea for coppers who attended one of our branches after a break in, and whilst waiting for the boarding up contractor to come out and make secure.

 

[rocketmanbkk]

Yes, commercial premises get priority.

Those emergency borders know how to charge!

 

[rpm]

Could always cut out the middle man and have the Alarm alert sent direct to the branch manager.

 

[Ray Stafford]

Could always cut out the middle man and have the Alarm alert sent direct to the branch manager.

Thats what we used to do. And after the branch manager, it went to the assistant manager, then the general manager, and finally, ME.

And guess who was the only one answering the phone on a Friday or Saturday night? Yours truly!

Thats why we use the private security firm.

 

[Rickster123]

Would you like me to test the response time ray? I'd happily visit your stores with a crowbar and a large van. For a small cost oviously, say, two pens and Williams mug?

 

[rpm]

Would you like me to test the response time ray? I'd happily visit your stores with a crowbar and a large van. For a small cost oviously, say, two pens and Williams mug?

Who woke you up?

 

[Rickster123]

Who woke you up?

I have just had a small nap actually. Stop spying on me!

 

[lame plumber]

Thats what we used to do. And after the branch manager, it went to the assistant manager, then the general manager, and finally, ME.

And guess who was the only one answering the phone on a Friday or Saturday night? Yours truly!

Thats why we use the private security firm.

And from experience, I bet I know who the coppers expect to go in first

 

[oz-plumber]

Thats what we used to do. And after the branch manager, it went to the assistant manager, then the general manager, and finally, ME.

And guess who was the only one answering the phone on a Friday or Saturday night? Yours truly!

Thats why we use the private security firm.

Ray, you have not grasped your new position in the company conclusively...yet.

I would use this argument and situation to declare that you need a PA.

Mid to late twenties, single, devoted to the job.....you can fill in the rest!!!

 

[TFGplumbing]

Ray put the next response up that was halarious